This is pretty much a depressing blog to just get my random thoughts out there seeing I have been not able to really talk them out in a few days. My crazy shrink lady appointment isn't until the end of the week so I have to blog my thoughts out before I really do turn crazy.
I think I have come to realize that I am the black sheep. I actually am beginning to be ok with it. It is tough to try to work this for myself but I am excited to find myself at the very least. I have realized that some people aren't going to change in life and you have to accept them for who they are.
The sadder part is that life and the world is forever changing. To keep relationships working, it takes work and people to want to work to make things stay good. I have to stop trying so hard. I am getting it all. It is hard though. I spend a majority of my life trying to put forth so much time and effort into caring about other people and helping with their lives that I forgot about taking care of myself.
I guess it won't matter someday if anyone likes me, as long as I like myself. OR maybe, someday people will like me more because I like myself. I just may need medicine to substitute for people for awhile. :)
I am thankful for Aruba, but I think it was a turning point for some things in my life I am finding out the hard way. I guess I am just going through some stuff that is going to take time to work through.
I think my dad is making peace with my mom's death in his own way. He wasn't ever really able to grieve about it in his old relationship so I think he is dealing with it now. He was cute, he put up some shelving in his house and on one of the shelves he put an ornament he had saved that used to be on the Christmas tree when he was married to mom. I guess he too now has a piece of mom with him.
Heading off to bed....
